


I hear you

by StormyBear30



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-15
Updated: 2011-09-15
Packaged: 2017-10-23 18:18:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/253426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30





	I hear you

“You’re not doing this” I screamed out madly as I grabbed a stunned and sobbing Debbie by the shoulder and practically threw her across the room. I knew that I should have felt bad for scaring the shit out of her. However…I felt quite the opposite as I watched her boyfriend catch her before she slammed into the wall behind us. “I won’t let you do this to him…to me” my cries of utter craziness continued as I stood before the bed of my best friend…daring anyone of them to try and take a step towards us.

“Jesus Brian…he’s been in a coma for nearly three weeks now and the doctors don’t think that he will be coming out of it” I heard Michael’s uncle Vic speak cautiously as he took a tenitive step towards me. “It’s time…it’s time for the suffering to stop”

“No…I said you’re not doing this to him” my screams continued as I gave them each another look that dared any of them to even take one step towards the man that I would have protected with my life. A small demented chuckle escaped from my lips at the irony that I was infact doing just that as I protected his very life. “I am the only one who can make this decision for Michael. It’s all in writing and it’s all legal” I went on snidely. “Mel has all the paperwork. I won’t let you end his life…not when he still has so much more life to live” Turning from the stunned three I gazed down at Michael…amazed at just how peaceful he looked in his on going slumber. “He talks to me you know” I said with a smile…taking his unmoving hand into mine before placing a gentle kiss upon it. “He talks to me and tells me things. He’s not ready to die…at least not before I fuck him he says” I laugh that same laugh as I turn from my best friend and face his stupefied family. “You all think that I am crazy…but I’m not” I spit out…anger getting the best of me as those people that had known me practically my whole life continued to gawk at me as if I had lost my mind.

“Brian…baby…I know you think that he talks to you…but that’s impossible” Michael’s mother spoke…walking over to me where she took my hand into her own. “He’s in a coma” She went on…looking up at me with eyes so full of pity that I had to fight the urge to gouge them out with my bare hands. “I know how much you love Michael. Hell…you always have…but this has got to stop Brian. You’re only hurting yourself and the rest of us…but most importantly your hurting Michael. Do you think that he wants to spend the rest of this life like this…laying in a hospital bed…lingering” Her words were getting edgier…angrier…but I could see that she was trying to control it. I didn’t care…because no matter what she said or what they tried to do…there was no way legally or other that they could get me to change my mind. “So Brian…if you love him…let him go”

“I do love him” I smiled down at her…bringing her hands up to my lips as I kissed them tenderly. “I can admit that now. I wasted a lot of years hiding the way that I felt about Michael…but not anymore. He’s alive in there Debbie. He tells me that he just needs time for his body to heal and then he will come back to me…to us” Once again I scanned the room finding instead of looks of love and understanding…looks of shock and betrayal. “I can’t believe this” I began to yell again…not caring that I was in a hospital ward. “You three are just ready to throw in the towel because it will make you feel better. You’re ready to just end his life because then you won’t have to suffer anymore. Well fuck you…fuck you all” My rantings only got louder as I reached around the room…grabbing onto all of them and literally pushing them out of his private hospital suite that I was paying for.

***Brian…you have to stop treating them like that. They are just scared and trying to do what’s best for me*** I heard my love speak as I laid on the bed beside him…gently taking him in my arms. It is something that I had done every night since they brought him there and something that I planned to do until he walked out on his own with me by his side.

“Is best for you dying…because that’s what they want to do” I spoke with barely concealed anger. “Jesus Christ Mikey…they want to pull the plug. They want you to just fade away in order to ease their pain. I can’t do that to you…I won’t do that to you” I vowed…once again cursing the tears that always seemed to fall when it was just the two of us. “I know that they are scared…but so am I and I still refuse to let you go Mikey”

***I know Brian and I love you so much for being brave enough to do this for me***

“Who says that I am doing this for you” I chuckled…snuggling my chin upon the top of his head. “I’m only keeping you around so I can fuck the shit out of you once you are awake and up to it”

***I can’t wait for that either*** he laughed as well. ***Hell…you’ve kept me waiting long enough…guess it is time for me to return the favor*** his laughter turned sad as he continued. ***I just never expected that it would be because of this. You know Brian…*** he went on…but I cut him off before he had a chance to finish what he was gong to say…because I knew what he was going to say.

“I love you Mikey and I will wait forever if I have to” I vowed once again…placing a gentle kiss upon his head as I closed my tired eyes. “I will wait forever because at least once I want to tell you that I love you and have you look up at me with those beautiful brown eyes of yours”

***I have to go now Brian. I love you*** I heard his fading words before the night nurse entered the room to check on his vitals.

“Evening Mr. Kinney” I heard the one known as Sam greet me as she went about her business as if I wasn’t even in her way.

“Evening Sam…” I returned…sliding out of the bed as I made my way towards the bathroom…stretching my tired muscles out.

“So anything tonight?” she asked and I already knew the question for she had asked the same one over and over again for the previous three weeks.

“No…” was my simple reply as I entered the bathroom…shutting the door quietly behind me as I prepared for another long night of restless slumber. Ten minutes later I exited the bathroom to find Sam sitting on one of the over stuffed leather chairs as if waiting for me. She didn’t say anything at first…just continued to look at me as if trying to read me. The first few nights that she had done it…it had annoyed me beyond belief…but three weeks later I didn’t have the fight to care anymore. “Sam…” I said….finally breaking the silence.

“Hmmm…” was her simple reply as she continued to look up at me.

“Do you think that I am losing my mind?” I asked…meaning every word because the truth was that after weeks of unending hospital visits I was tired and beginning to question my own sanity.

“Do you think that you are losing your mind?” she asked…still looking at me as if waiting for me to say something profound.

“Yes…no…I don’t fucking know anymore” was my stress filled reply…causing me to be even more confused as I turned to face Michael once again. “I mean…I swear that I can hear him talking to me…but no one else seems to hear it. All of our friends and family think that I’ve gone crazy and I am beginning to think that maybe they are right. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part” I continued…not really paying attention to the fact that I was telling my most private of secrets to an almost perfect stranger. “I’ve loved Mikey for practically my whole life. I just never had the balls to tell him and now this. Now he’s lying here in this hospital bed…practically dead and I think that I can hear him talking to me” Tears for what felt like the millionth time misted my eyes as I cradled his tiny hand within my own. “I love him so much and I would do just about anything to have him here with me again. I’d give up everything to see him smile that famous Mikey smile…to hear him laugh just once more. Why is this happening to him?” I questioned…my sadness turning to anger as I laid his hand at his side before I turned to face the nurse once again.

“I don’t know…” was her simple reply…as she graced me with a small smile before pulling herself from out of the chair. “And I am not going to give you some fake mumbo jumbo about how this might be for the best…or that everything will be alright…because we both know that no one can predict what will happen next…except for one” I wanted to laugh in her face…but she went on before I even had a chance to mock her. “You may not believe in the power of prayer…but for some of us it is the only way that we get through life’s trials and tribulations” Once again I fought the urge to come back with a snappy retort…but decided against it as I hopped back up onto the bed…laying down beside my love.

“Night Sam…” I called over my shoulder as I snuggled with Michael. “Oh and Sam…”

“Yes Mr. Kinney”

“Thanks for listening and not giving me any shit about needing to stay with Mikey” I thanked her…recalling the first night that she had tried to get me to leave Michael’s side…finally allowing me to stay as I fell apart right before her very eyes.

“You’re welcome…Mr. Kinney” she smiled back…giving me a playful wink before exiting the door.

***She’s really nice…I really like her” I heard his voice speak out to me…jerking me back from the realm of slumber.

“Mikey…” I whispered…rubbing the sleep out of my eyes because truth be told I was near exhaustion. “Mikey…is that you?”

***Who else would it be?” he giggled and I had no choice but to smile…only it disappeared just as quickly as it appears as I looked down on the slackened face of the man whom was supposed to be talking to me.

“I think that I am losing my mind” I spoke quickly…pulling away from him as I tried to come to terms with my insanity.

***Brian…wait” I heard him cry out…and yet not a muscle twitched as I once again cast my gaze over his unmoving body. ***You’re not going crazy…you have to trust me. Me talking to you like this is real…everything is real. I promise you that. I just can’t explain it more then we have always had this true bond that nothing…not even near death can come between. The times coming Brian…I can feel it. The time when I can be with you once again. Don’t give up on my Brian…because I have never given up on you***

“Ok Mikey…” I whispered as I once again pulled his unmoving body into my arms. But…I want you to do something for me. I want you to say a code word of some sort once you come out to let me know that I am not fucking going crazy”

***What kind of code word Brian?*** he asked and I could tell that he was fading from me once again.

“I want your first words to me to be…” I tried to think of something that would want to make him come back to me. A word or two that would help push him enough to end the torture between the two of us and I found that I was totally clueless at first. However…it became crystal clear the moment that I looked down at his handsome face once again for I knew that dead or alive I would never love another the way that I loved him. “Vermont in summertime” I whispered against his ear…smiling broadly because I knew that if any words were going to work then those would be the ones.

***Does that mean what I think it means Brian?*** he questioned and I heard such hope in his voice that it caused me to smile even more.

“Come back to me and find out Mikey” Was my smug reply before I drifted off to sleep.

Another few days had pasted and I was terrified beyond belief. Not only did I have Debbie constantly threatening me with possible court orders to overturn Michael’s written wishes…but also I hadn’t heard a word from that same man since that night. I was slowly unraveling at the seams as I tried to figure out what the hell was going on and when I had lost total control of my life. A few more days past and I still hadn’t heard a peep from Michael and I was beside myself with grief. I didn’t know what to do…where to go…what to say as ever so slowly I fell into a complete depression. I needed someone to talk to…someone to give me a new perspective and after much persuasion Sam convinced me to allow someone other then her and the doctor to enter Michael’s room.

“Brian…” I heard the timid voice call out to me as he peeked his head into the door. “Can I come in” I didn’t have the energy to say otherwise…but oh how I wanted to tell him to fuck off. “Oh baby…you look like shit” he cried out as he glided over towards me…kneeling before me with a look that told me that he had no idea what to do. I wanted to be strong…wanted to prove to him and all of them that I wasn’t going to crack like they thought I would…but my energy reserve was fully depleted as I lunged forward and found comfort within his arms. “Shhh baby…you just let it out” he soothed…rubbing my back in a gentle way that only made me cry even harder. “Emmett is here for you Brian”

I don’t know how long I held him there…but it was long enough as he cried out in pain eventually. “Sorry Em…” I croaked…releasing him from my grip of death as I jumped out of the chair and stood before the large window. “I suppose that you are here to talk me into ending Michael’s life” I spoke dead on as I turned to face the man…biting my tongue as he stood at Michael’s bedside…cradling his hand within his own as large tears rained down his cheeks. It was at that very moment that I realized that it was time for me to stop being so selfish and let Michael go. I could see the heartache and pain etched upon Emmett’s face and I knew that each and every one of Michael’s friends and family held that same look…although I never truly looked close enough to see it. “I’ll be back in a minute” I spoke in a near whisper as I slowly walked out of the room. “I’d like to see Dr. Miller” I said to the nurse sitting behind the nurse’s station a moment later.

“You’re making the right decision Mr. Kinney” I heard the doctor say as he placed his hand upon shoulder as a way of reaffirming my decision. The truth was that I didn’t want to be reaffirmed. No…what I wanted was for that man who went through years of schooling to save lives to tell me that he was going to save my Michael. I wanted him to tell me that we would all laugh about this tomorrow as I held Michael awake and alert in my eyes. I wanted to be as far away from Allegany General Hospital as I could. I wanted to die…because I didn’t want to live in a world where a beautifully loving man like Michael Charles Novotny didn’t live in it. “I’ll alert the family to your decision. You all can spend as much time as you like with Michael before we remove the breathing apparatus.

“I need to be alone for awhile. Let the family spend today with him…I will be back later to say my goodbyes” I said plainly…walking away from the man before he even had a chance to respond. I found myself on the rooftop moments later as I recalled the night that my son was born. It was a night like no other as I shared my hopes and my fears with the only man that every meant anything in my life. It seemed like forever since that night and at that very moment in time I felt old…very old. I must have sat up there for hours before the chill of the oncoming evening became too much for my already cold heart to bear. I was numb beyond belief as I slowly made my way into the room where my Mikey continued to lay motionless…his friends and family sobbing softly around his bedside. I didn’t look at any of them as I walked into the middle of the room and made my grand announcement. “I need you all to say your goodbyes and then leave” My words sounded stronger and braver then I felt as I waited for the backlash I knew was coming. When I got none...I continued. “I don’t want any of you here when Michael takes his last breath. I don’t want it to be the last memory of the man that we all love and care for. So please…say your goodbyes and then allow me the time to say my own” That last word came out as a sob as I placed my hand over my mouth and turned away from them that were staring at me.

“Brian…” I heard Debbie speak up…but I cut her off as I turned to face her with eyes full of tears and begging.

“Please Debbie…just this once can you do something I ask you without giving me any grief. You had your time to say goodbye to Michael…now let me have mine. I beg of you” Before I had a chance to say another word they all surrounded me within a chained embrace that propelled my tears to flow even harder. I couldn’t control them any longer and in truth didn’t want to. I needed what they were offering me and like a sponge to water I absorbed every bit of it into my very soul. They left moments later as I pulled myself together as much as I could before the doctors came in. I watched in silent defeat as they removed the tube that had kept Michael not so much alive…but at least breathing. I listened half heartedly as he explained to me that slowly but surely the man who had been the most important person in my life for far to many years to count would fade away. He couldn’t tell me how long it would take…or how quick as he gave my shoulder a squeeze before exiting the room. “Stay with him as long as you need afterwards…just alert the nurses when you are ready”

I knew my time left with Michael was short as I summoned all my strength and climbed onto the bed beside him. With tender and fearful movements I maneuvered him until he was securely within my arms…before turning to look upon his serene face. Closing my eyes I listened as the beeps and sounds around me slowed down to a crawl…just as the heart within my chest did as well. “I am so pissed off at you Mikey” I whispered against his forehead as I pressed my lips against the cool skin. “I am so pissed off because you told me that you were coming back to me and yet here we are instead. I shouldn’t have had to make the decision wither to end your life or allow you to wallow here barely alive on machines…but I did what I promised you that I would do” The tears that had been plaguing me for months before that very moment returned with a vengeance as I pulled him tighter into my embrace. “Jesus Mikey…what am I going to do without you in my life? How am I supposed to live my life knowing the I will never see that beautiful smile of yours again or those eyes that can see through all the bullshit and lies that I build my life around. How am I supposed to love anyone else when the only person that I have ever truly loved in my lifetime is you?”

“Beep…beep…beep” were the only replies that I received as I fell apart at the seams at that very moment. Our time together was quickly coming to an end and I knew that I had to speak my words of truth or I would have to live with the regret of it for the rest of my life.

“I know you already know this…but I want you to hear it just the same” I began with a small smile upon my face for my words were the words of the purest truths. “I love you Michael Charles Novotny. I’ve been in love with you from the first moment that you first kissed you all those years ago. I can still remember everything about that night as you raced into my arms after I came home early from college to surprise you for your birthday. I was there to surprise you…but it was you that surprised me as you planed those beautiful lips upon my own. We had kissed a few times before that remember? But that one…that one was different. I almost dropped you…but I held strong as I maneuvered us over to the couch and proceeded to prolong that simple kiss into a pretty severe make out session. I wanted you so badly that night and we would have probably gone further…but thankfully your Uncle Vic walked in on us. I played it off like it was nothing…but it was the beginning for me Mikey. I knew after that that I would always crave more…but as much as I wanted more…I wasn’t ready for it and neither were you. It’s amazing to me that now that I am ready to be the man that you need for me to be…you’re leaving me. I don’t know how I am going to be able to live without you by my side…but I promise you that I will and that I will take care of every single person that you love as well. I love…” and then the machine flat lined…ending all the words of love and devotion that I wanted to speak to him.

Cradling his head upon my shoulder…I looked up towards the ceiling in anger and upset. “I know that I am not a religious person” I spoke upwards through the tears that continued to pour down my face. “But I hope that you had a reason for taking this wonderful man from us….from me” I didn’t know why I was talking to the ceiling above…but I just felt that I had to let someone…whomever it was know that I was angry and upset with their decision to take my Mikey away from me. “I hope that his death won’t be in vain…that you will place him as a guardian angle in some ones life that needs him. Let them know how wonderful he is and how lucky they are to have him at there side” It was at the very moment as I leaned in to kiss the man that I loved on final time that he eyes flew open and he took a loud and frightful breath into his lungs. The machines around us began to beep and scream in crazy rhythms that made no sense whatsoever to me. I was whisked off of the bed as nurses and doctors surrounded him…blocking him completely from my vision.

Confusion coated me like a heavy blanket as I paced the room around me as the doctors and nurses continued to do something to the supposed dead body of my best friend. “What’s going on?” I asked a nurse as she tried to run past me…but I hindered her progress as I clasped onto her arm. “What the fuck is going on?” I questioned her again as she continued to stand there and stare at me.

“He’s breathing on his own” was her stunned…yet simple reply before she raced out of the room…leaving me baffled within her wake. I knew that I should have just let the doctors do what it was that they were doing…but my need to see things for myself over took me as I plowed through the many…stopping short when I came upon a pair of drowsy dark eyes gazing up at me. “Mikey…” I speak in a mere whisper…tears of the utmost happiness gliding down my cheeks.

I watched as he took what seemed to be a painful swallow…before speaking words that were muffled and husky…but I heard them as if spoken in pure clarity. “Vermont in summertime”

The End…


End file.
